Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
