Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
