Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
