Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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