My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Every concussion has its silver lining
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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