Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think your dad took our porno
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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