i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize