I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
