Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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