I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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