remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
