So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
