i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize