I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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