I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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