I will die if light touches me.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
