weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
