He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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