you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
