This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize