Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The beer is more important than you right now.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
