it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
