Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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