You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
