Dual....:-)
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
