It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
