you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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