there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
