he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
