I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
