I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize