Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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