Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
