She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
