pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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