no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
