some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
