Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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