I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
