Swine flu. Run for my life!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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