I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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