Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
