Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
