I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize