I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
