Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
