The maid of honor just puked.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
