You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
