It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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