wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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