i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My ATM looks so different sober.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
