you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
