He had one of those small greek statue penises
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
