my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
