As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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