weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
