Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
