I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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