Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
