I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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