obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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