lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
