I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
