It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
