You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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