my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
