i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
