if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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