halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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