Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
