I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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