I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
