I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
