What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
