I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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