She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
