then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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