...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
