i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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