Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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