Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
