In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
