i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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