the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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