This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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