i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
