Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Floor bacon is actually really good
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
