Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
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