I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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