Tell her she can't have a vagina
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
