it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
