So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
