I think I died a long time ago.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
