I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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