i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
