He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
