lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
